Advice for divorced parents making summertime access arrangements

by: HowardMacKinnon
Total views: 16 | Word Count: 816

If you have not yet done so, it is time to take out your calendar and think about the time your children will get to spend with you and your ex spouse this summer. For most of the year school and work make it more practical for kids to spend the majority of their time with one parent and only see the other on weekends and the occasional week day evenings. But now that summer is coming around school lets out, work gives way to at least a few weeks vacation, and longer daylight hours mean there are more opportunities for the so-called "access" parent to spend significant extra time with the children. Here is some advice to help you figure out your summer access schedule.

Things change: people, circumstances, whatever. So even if there are strict rules about what access should look like over the summer months, avoid the temptation to let a separation agreement or court order assume the role of parent. Consider what may have changed since that agreement or order was signed and take a fresh look at it to see if it really does continue to be the best thing for the kids. Children are best served by parents who strive to make access arrangements work than by parents who blithely follow formulas and schedules that may now be out of date.

You probably know by now that, as long as you and your ex agree, you may change the terms of access set out in a court order or separation agreement. Of course, the order or agreement would remain in force in case there is no agreement but it is not meant to tie your hands and prevent you from making new arrangements that better fits the needs and circumstances of your children as they get older. If you do make a change to the access arrangement is a good idea to write a doubt that for both you and your ex to sign it. This helps to avoid any misunderstandings.

Do not forget to seek input from the children when making your plans for summer access. It should be a priority for the children to spend extra time with the parent they see less of during the rest of the year. However, this time can be even more valuable if the children are not required to give up other activities they wish to participate in in order to spend the extra time with that parent. The older the child is the more important it is for that child to have his or her own time and engage in activities here she is looking forward to. Look for ways to become involved in the child's activities rather than for the child to always have to fit into your activities.

Summer also presents opportunities for parents and children to participate together in various special events and activities such as summer holidays, family occasions, and special vacations. It is important for parents to work together to make it possible for the children to enjoy these events with the parent most closely associated to the event. If this is difficult to determine, perhaps one parent can take the kids this year and the other can take them next year. On the other hand, such events may make the relatively little time the children spend with the "access" parent even more meaningful. Some consideration should be given to making sure the children get to spend some of these special times with that parent.

It is important for the access parent to effectively use the extra time with the children to build, or rebuild strong relationships. This will probably mean adjusting your own way of doing things - turning off your cell phone, checking your e-mail less frequently, spending less time working, etc. When children are younger their happy if you can just find ways to involve them in whatever you are doing even if it is just some gardening, home repairs, or other things that we typically do not think of as interesting or fun. As the children get older they will want to be engaged in activities of their own and your involvement may be limited to showing an interest in what they have been doing, watching them at play and encouraging them. If you can find something that they are interested in that you are either good at or equally interested in than you have struck gold.

Always keep in mind that flexibility and cooperation go much further in furthering the best interests of the children then confrontation and rigidity. Even parents who have not separated need to be considerate of each other's needs and desires when deciding upon the summer activities they will engage in with the children. The best way to maintain strong and healthy relationships between parents and children are when everyone's input is sought and no one, including the "access" parent, feels left out.

About the Author

Visit the writer's web site at Divorce Canada for more useful advice about divorce The site also has hundreds of pages packed with helpful suggestions.  

More Articles from: Divorce